In June, I had the opportunity to chat with Mary Katlyn O’Malley, the innovative designer and owner of DAMES New York. She opened up about her intense personal experiences that fueled the creation of her unique fashion brand.
The following dialogue sheds some light on the crucial intersection between fashion, mental health, and personal safety while revealing the profound impact of community and resilience.
As a content warning to readers, we discuss murder, sexual assault, and mental health.
Jesse:
What led you to start DAMES? Did your personal experience influence the brand?
What led you to start DAMES? Did your personal experience influence the brand?
Mary:
It was during COVID. Someone was killed near me in Chinatown. A young woman, Christina Lee. It was kind of scary, and in my own personal experience, I come from domestic violence, and I have PTSD. I went to therapy in that experience as it was all happening.
It was during COVID. Someone was killed near me in Chinatown. A young woman, Christina Lee. It was kind of scary, and in my own personal experience, I come from domestic violence, and I have PTSD. I went to therapy in that experience as it was all happening.
I guess I didn’t feel safe within myself or outside myself, and so I think that was the biggest inspiration to me, which comes from being able, aware, and present.
It really came down to what I wore, how I felt about myself, and if I was present and aware to protect myself. I think that’s the biggest inspiration–feeling good about yourself, feeling in your power, and feeling safe, so that you’re able and aware to protect yourself. I think I saw it in everyone that it was a commonality. Everyone was dealing with mental health and safety, and I think it’s honestly the most important thing. It matters to everyone in every moment of everyone’s life. I saw a lot of people kill themselves during COVID, and it was a really hard experience. During that time, a friend of mine went to prison.
Jesse:
It’s interesting when we think or talk about COVID, and we realize we all went through the same thing. Maybe not in the same way as others or as bad as others, but we can relate to one another because of it. Did You know Christina?
It’s interesting when we think or talk about COVID, and we realize we all went through the same thing. Maybe not in the same way as others or as bad as others, but we can relate to one another because of it. Did You know Christina?
Mary:
I didn’t know Christina, but a bunch of girls knew her. She was smart. She was a good person, and she didn’t do anything wrong. She got out of her taxi, and she was 20 seconds from the fucking door. This man followed her into her apartment, and she wasn’t aware.
I didn’t know Christina, but a bunch of girls knew her. She was smart. She was a good person, and she didn’t do anything wrong. She got out of her taxi, and she was 20 seconds from the fucking door. This man followed her into her apartment, and she wasn’t aware.
After that, we started groups. We would walk each other home and give each other pepper spray, and that’s where the safety aspect came into my brand. My whole brand is trademarked to have safety accessories attached to the clothing. And then, through that process, I think it affected me, and I thought, “Damn, what if she would’ve had a fucking thing in her hand?” He locked her in her apartment, stabbed her [40] times, and the cops heard her die. So that’s where the safety and the presence come into play, and seeing her story really affected me. But we’ve helped so many girls and not even just girls, but trans women also.
During COVID, I dressed the girls for Kokomo City because Dominique Silver has always been so supportive of DAMES. It’s a movie about Black trans women, and it went to Cannes and all this stuff. When they went to Sundance, I made them dresses, and one of the girls from the movie was killed right after.
So what I’m doing is so real and so important, but in the fashion industry, they don’t talk about all these things.
What you wear is so important. It’s who you are. It’s your avatar. This is who you’re showing the world you are. [It’s] the way you hold yourself, the way you present yourself. And that comes with inside and outside aspects. Clothing, to me, isn't just a shirt I put on; it’s intentional and should make you feel good and better about yourself. In a way, I turned my pain into purpose.
I always think, “I want to help the collective, the whole world.” So what can I do that can have an echo effect? And that’s what I try to do. I do meditations, and Chinatown Fight Club lets me do a self-defense club. At the first event I did, I got all the women from the shelter and gave them safety accessories at a cool store in SoHo.
Jesse:
How do you incorporate these safety features into your designs?
How do you incorporate these safety features into your designs?
Mary:
I think just making clothing that is tactical in a way where sleeves could come off. It could be worn in different ways. It’s the way things are easily attachable, the way I incorporate chains or zippers, and I do a lot of reflective pieces, which really helps with visibility.
Safety Whistle Keychain
I think just making clothing that is tactical in a way where sleeves could come off. It could be worn in different ways. It’s the way things are easily attachable, the way I incorporate chains or zippers, and I do a lot of reflective pieces, which really helps with visibility.
The woman who owns Chinatown Fight Club, Gail, who’s been so inspirational and nice throughout this process for me, was like, “If carrying a knife makes you feel better after being raped, carry that fucking knife.” I know carrying these things is illegal, but so is raping and killing. So if I have to do something to make myself feel better, then that’s something I think all women should do because most women have had terrible experiences at some point in their life, and they carry it with them, and you can’t let things hinder you, so you have to make sure you’re okay on the inside.
Jesse:
How do you envision building a stronger community with DAMES?
How do you envision building a stronger community with DAMES?
Mary:
I think through my experience, during COVID, I met someone with fame and clout, and they really told me they were going to help me grow my brand, but they did not. They really made it a lot harder, and I learned a lot.
I think through my experience, during COVID, I met someone with fame and clout, and they really told me they were going to help me grow my brand, but they did not. They really made it a lot harder, and I learned a lot.
I learned that organically, and doing exactly what I say I’m going to do is how I’m going to do it. I know that it will grow, but every fashion business opportunity someone has presented me with has not done anything for me. I’ve also learned that the industry is just a lot of clout and fake talk of people doing things.
It was really interesting to see someone I’ve looked up to my whole life and think, “This is so cool. I’m going to be working with this woman who’s so inspirational,” and she was horrid. Then I realized that’s basically the whole industry, so I think you just have to stay driven, and do what you do with the magazine, and just create what you want to create. It’s like Rick Rubin says, “The audience comes last.”
That’s definitely something I live by and something I’ll never forget. The audience comes last, and you have to perfect your art. Keep doing it for yourself, and don’t give up.
I also want to keep doing my events. I just got booked at Gospel, which is my favorite club in New York City, and we’re doing a mass meditation. I would like to continue doing the self-defense classes with Chinatown Fight Club and all my other events that are mental health-focused, community-focused, and anything to help others move forward.
I would obviously like to expand overseas and get in stores all over and be able to expand my community in that way as well. It’s like I said, picking your avatar is what everyone is doing in the land of fashion and the internet. I just try to stay present and not compare myself to anyone else. Everything I want will eventually come, and I don’t know what comes next until I create it.
Jesse:
It’s nice, isn't it? Creating your own rules?
It’s nice, isn't it? Creating your own rules?
Mary:
For sure. Like I said, the first year I worked with [an industry insider], and it was horrible. All I did was watch someone say they would help me, and they just didn’t. Then a year in, I still had nothing, so I had to figure out how to do what I said I’d do. I didn’t know what I was doing when I started, but I knew I had to keep going to figure it out.
For sure. Like I said, the first year I worked with [an industry insider], and it was horrible. All I did was watch someone say they would help me, and they just didn’t. Then a year in, I still had nothing, so I had to figure out how to do what I said I’d do. I didn’t know what I was doing when I started, but I knew I had to keep going to figure it out.
Jesse:
How do you see your role in addressing these issues in the fashion industry?
How do you see your role in addressing these issues in the fashion industry?
Mary:
I trademarked my clothing to have self-defense items attached. During COVID, I did “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself” by Joe Dispenza, and that was a huge part of my healing journey, my brand, and my lifestyle.
I trademarked my clothing to have self-defense items attached. During COVID, I did “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself” by Joe Dispenza, and that was a huge part of my healing journey, my brand, and my lifestyle.
I want to show people that all this stuff is cool, make badass clothes, and make people feel powerful. All this stuff is cool, but it is definitely not in the industry. I’ve never seen anyone do a meditation before at a fashion show, and here I am, trying to do mass meditations at the coolest club in NYC because we can have both. We can meditate, and we can party. But we have to make sure everything’s good so that we feel good.
Jasmine Halter
Jesse:
To finish, what are your future goals for DAMES?
Mary:
I would really like to continue designing stuff that’s really safety-focused. I just recently added jackets to the collection, and I just want to continue doing everything I already am. I would love to expand on my events and get big sponsors. Safety is so relevant in everything. Unfortunately, all this comes with paying a lot of people a lot of money, so I have to just sit and do what I can with my own resources and hope for the best.
I would really like to continue designing stuff that’s really safety-focused. I just recently added jackets to the collection, and I just want to continue doing everything I already am. I would love to expand on my events and get big sponsors. Safety is so relevant in everything. Unfortunately, all this comes with paying a lot of people a lot of money, so I have to just sit and do what I can with my own resources and hope for the best.
For Mental Health Resources and Support, visit damesnewyork.com